


marry me (today and every day)

by sunsetveins



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Has Self-Worth Issues, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Marriage Proposal, all he wants to do is marry him, he loves him so much, there's other people besides malec in this but they're only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 13:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12233880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetveins/pseuds/sunsetveins
Summary: The first time Alec thought about marrying Magnus, he was staring at him from the opposite end of the aisle and he couldn’t breathe.or5 Times Alec Thinks About Marrying MagnusAnd 1 Time He Asks Him





	marry me (today and every day)

1.)

 

The first time Alec thought about marrying Magnus, he was staring at him from the opposite end of the aisle and he couldn’t breathe. 

Lydia, who Alec adores and hates in equal measures, was standing at his side. She stared at Magnus, too. If Alec had been able to pay attention to anyone that wasn’t the warlock turning his whole world upside down, he’d have thought that maybe she was also thinking of Alec marrying him.

In his life, Alec has made many tough decisions. Most of them were made with the best interests of his family in mind, all of them were centered around obeying the law, and none of them made Alec any happier than he had been before he made them. These are the truths that passed through his mind as he stared at Magnus. 

Magnus. Beautiful, honest, earnest Magnus. Of all the tough decisions Alec has made, Magnus was the easiest of them.

It should have scared him. When Alec looks back on the eternity it took for him to get from Lydia’s side to Magnus’ arms, that’s what stands out the most. It should have scared him that all he could think on his way down the aisle was _angel, I think I might marry this man._

It should have terrified him that milliseconds before their lips connected, just as he gripped onto Magnus’ lapels, his only thought was _yeah, I’m going to marry this man._

It should have scared him, but it didn’t. Something inside of Alec had settled at the thought of loving Magnus for the rest of his life, though he knew he wasn’t even close to feeling so deeply for the warlock yet. He didn’t even know if they’d make it that far, but he believed they could. Magnus’ mere presence was enough to make Alec feel like maybe they could do anything. Maybe _he_ could do anything, like kiss Magnus in front of so many important people in the middle of his own wedding to another person. Maybe, just maybe, Alec could have his own best interest at heart, too.

The thought of marrying Magnus would fade away as soon as Robert asked about love, but it wouldn’t leave completely. The image of a happily ever after with Magnus Bane would settle somewhere in the back of Alec’s mind. 

No, he and Magnus weren’t in love, but he thought they might be someday.

 

-

 

2.)

 

They’re kissing and smiling and pulling at each other’s clothes when the thought of marrying Magnus comes up again.

It’s an abrupt thought, not unlike how it first came about. One second he’s running his fingers up Magnus’ spine, pushing his shirt _upupup_ , and the next Magnus is staring at him with glowing cat eyes, and all Alec can think is _I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you, I love you, I’m going to marry you._

And, well, the second thought is almost as intense as the last. Alec has never been in love, and he’s not entirely sure he is now, but the feeling that rushed through him when he brought his hand to rest against Magnus’ cheek couldn’t possibly be described any other way.

“They’re beautiful,” Alec tells Magnus in breathless awe. “You’re beautiful.”

The soft smile Alec gets in return causes his heart to jump. Someone as breathtaking as Magnus should not be allowed to look at people as average as Alec, if only to keep him and many others from having heart attacks. 

For the rest of the night, Magnus’ eyes remained without glamour. Alec can’t stop thinking.

Right before he falls asleep, head rested on Magnus’ chest and arm thrown over his waist, Alec wonders if maybe Magnus will leave his eyes unhidden for their wedding.

It’s a nice thought. He hopes he will.

 

-

 

3.)

 

Magnus could be dead. 

Valentine has just slaughtered every Downworlder in the Institute, _and Magnus could be dead._

Alec is running, running and searching and hoping. Magnus could be dead, but that just simply isn’t possible. Alec hasn’t told him that he loves him. Alec hasn’t asked him to marry him. Alec hasn’t done anything and there was supposed to be time, time for them to share all of the things that Alec dreams about at night. All of the things he sits and thinks about in the morning when he watches Magnus sleep. How could there not be any time? How could this happen?

He’s vaguely aware of the information he’s been given. Jace did this. Jace doesn’t have demon blood. Clary brought Magnus here, but Jace was the one to activate the sword. If Magnus is dead, if there is no time, then Alec has no one to blame but Valentine, who manipulated his parabatai into aiding in the murder of all of these innocent people. Into aiding in the murder of the love of Alec’s life.

If Magnus is dead, there will be nowhere for Valentine to hide. Alec will find him and he will kill him, one way or another. 

For now, he stumbles through the halls he’s ran down a thousand times. He looks over every face he’s looked over before. He doesn’t see Magnus. It’s as terrifying as it is relieving. He isn’t among the dead inside of the Institute, but there’s no guarantee that he’s among the living either. Alec can’t breathe.

He’s searched every inch of the Institute, so all that’s left is to search outside. He manages to get down the steps and then he frantically scans over every face in the crowd of people outside. None of them are Magnus. 

His vision blurs as he fails to catch his breath, but everything comes into focus when he feels a hand on his arm. He knows who it is without even having to look. He spins around and immediately crushes Magnus to his chest. The terror rushes out of him all at once, replaced by an overwhelming sense of relief.

“Magnus, I thought -” he pants, finally able to breathe. He drinks in the sight of Magnus in front of him, alive and breathing. _Safe._

He’s only vaguely aware of the words that leave Magnus’ lips. Some small part of him relaxes at the knowledge that Madzie was okay, but it’s nothing compared to how he feels now that Magnus is standing right in front of him. 

“Look, Magnus, on every mission I’ve ever been on, I’ve never felt that type of fear. Ever. Not knowing if you were alive or dead, I - I was _terrified_.” He’s still panting, chest heaving and the cool air burning his lungs with every breath. He doesn’t think there will ever be enough words to describe just how terrified he was at the thought that he’d lost Magnus, but he tries to make him understand anyway. 

“So was I,” Magnus says, and he reaches up to touch Alec’s arm. 

“Magnus, I -” Alec breathes heavily, in and out, “I love you.”

Alec doesn’t even care if Magnus says it back. He’s never meant anything as much as he means those three words. He’s never needed anything as much as he needs for Magnus to know that he loves him. As long as Magnus knows that Alec means it, that Alec loves him and will love him for the rest of his life, that’s all that matters. 

That doesn’t mean he isn’t relieved when Magnus says it back anyway.

“I love you, too,” he says softly. Alec can’t keep himself from stepping forward and kissing him.

It’s only when their foreheads rest together right before they return to the safety of each other’s arms that the thought creeps up on Alec again.

_If it’s the last thing I do, I’m going to marry this man._

 

-

 

4.)

 

Magnus walks away from him and he doesn’t look back until the elevator doors are closing. Alec doesn’t think anything could ever hurt as much as this does.

He blinks rapidly in an effort not to cry. It doesn’t work, and soon he’s slid down the wall and sobbing into his knees.

He really thought he was doing the right thing. That’s the problem here. Alec knows that it was wrong of him not to tell Magnus about the Soul Sword as soon as he found out, but he had thought it was the right thing. He just needed a little time to think it through. He thought he had the time to think it over.

Alec should really know by now that with Magnus, there is never time. There is only then and now. Everything needs to be done as soon as possible, otherwise it’ll all go wrong.

It’s either that, or Alec is simply just not good enough. That’s the one he’s leaning towards.

He should’ve known, really. Everything he’s ever touched has ultimately been ruined. He poisons the very air that others breathe, causing them to choke. He’s never been good enough for anyone, not even his siblings. He’s a weight that drags them to the bottom even as he fights to pull them to the top. He knows this. He should’ve known that Magnus would not be an exception.

Alec really wishes that he had been. If there is anyone in this world that does not deserve to be subjected to the poison Alec spreads, it’s Magnus. He hates that it came to this. He hates that he hadn’t even realized it was happening. He hates that he couldn’t stop it.

He’s lost Magnus now. Alec doesn’t think he’ll ever get him back. They always seemed to find their way back to each other, but this is one thing he thinks will leave them derailed forever.

It’s a shame. Alec thought Magnus would look beautiful in gold. He’d pictured it in his head enough times that it was almost a solid image, and he’d held onto the hope that one day he’d see it outside of his dreams.

As he scrubs desperately at his eyes, standing on shaky legs to try and make it back to Max’s bedside, Alec realizes that it was a stupid thought anyway. Magnus would never want to marry him. He’d never been good enough for someone like Magnus Bane. It was foolish of him to ever believe that he could be.

When he walks back towards his family, he pushes the thought of marrying Magnus Bane to the farthest corner of his mind and he tells himself that he’ll never think about it again. 

It’s a lie. He can’t stop thinking about it that night as he attempts to muffle his sobs with his pillow. 

 

-

 

5.)

 

“I don’t think I can live without you,” Alec says simply. 

It’s not entirely true. If Alec were to tell Magnus the whole truth, he would’ve told him that he knows he can’t live without him. Magnus is the love of Alec’s life. That’s the only thing that Alec is truly certain of.

“I thought I had to choose between you and the Downworld,” Magnus says, and it’s like he’s dropped all of the walls he’d built up around himself to keep Alec from getting too close. “But I don’t.”

He walks a little closer, and Alec dares to hope.

“A wise man once told me _‘relationships take effort,’_ ” he imitates, and Alec can’t help but smile.

“Yeah, well, that was an understatement,” he says, and Magnus laughs.

“You know what’s not an understatement?” Magnus asks, slowly moving forward.

It seems to take an eternity for them finally meet in the middle, but the kiss they share makes up for it. 

There have been many times in Alec’s life where he’s felt like he’s been missing some vital part of himself, and most of those times have been because of Jace. The time he’s spent apart from Magnus, however, has felt less like a vague feeling that he’s missing a piece of a puzzle and more like he’s been without one of his limbs, or without the heart that’s beating wildly in his chest. When they kiss, slow and sweet, it’s like Alec is coming home. Like time has unfrozen and allowed his still heart to beat once more. 

Alec never wants to lose this feeling again.

And so, even though he’s terrified that this may all be a dream he’ll wake from any moment now, he says yes to Magnus’ invitation to leave.

This may just be his last chance to have his happily ever after with Magnus. He refuses to let fear take that away from him now.

Maybe, just maybe, he is good enough for Magnus Bane.

Maybe one day he really will get to see Magnus in gold.

 

-

 

+1.)

 

It’s raining and Alec has been watching Magnus sleep for hours.

It’s one of those rare shared days off and they’d spent the majority of it watching movies and talking. Somewhere in the middle of a conversation about how obviously in love Simon and Raphael are, Magnus had fallen asleep. Alec had known it would happen ever since Magnus had laid his head down on Alec’s lap. He always fell asleep when Alec played with his hair.

There are a lot of people that think that Magnus is beautiful, but if you asked them why they would wax poetic about his makeup and extravagant wardrobe. They’d never shut up about his jewelry or how expensive his shoes were. They don’t know about Magnus’ true beauty. They never get to see it. Not like Alec does.

Alec believes that Magnus is the most beautiful person to ever walk the earth, and he could name you many reasons why. However, the one thing that stands out the most to Alec is how Magnus looks when he’s asleep.

His face is unguarded in a way that it never is when he’s awake, and there isn’t an ounce of makeup altering his features. He’s completely relaxed, with barely parted lips and unruly hair. It’s Magnus in his rawest form, and it’s the most beautiful thing Alec has ever witnessed. He truly believes he falls in love with Magnus all over again every time he sees him asleep.

He’s admitted this to Magnus before, like a guilty confession. Magnus had smiled at him ever so sweetly and told him that he loved him.

Alec took it as an okay.

It’s calming, is the thing. Watching Magnus sleep calms Alec’s nerves. He’s able to think clearly when everything is quiet, the only sound being Magnus’ deep and even breaths. 

It’s not really an advantage, though. All he ever manages to think about is Magnus. 

That’s exactly what he’s doing right then, feet propped up on the table in front of the couch and his fingers tangled in Magnus’ hair. Thinking about Magnus. Thinking about how he wants to marry him.

It’s been on his mind a lot recently. He’s wanted to marry Magnus since the moment they first kissed, even if it was only a passing thought at the time. Now he can’t get it out of his head. He wants to marry Magnus more than anything. It terrifies him.

They’d worked through a lot of their issues over time. Alec had explained to Magnus his thought that maybe he wasn’t good enough for Magnus, that maybe it was foolish of them to even try when he’d obviously never do anything quite right. Magnus had reassured him that it was never about Alec’s worth, and not even truly about the Soul Sword. The issue had run far deeper than even Magnus had known at the time, and the situation had spiralled out of control before he could stop it. He’d let his anger and his fears take over and he’d built his walls back up before he could even begin to think clearly. He’d explained that it had never been Alec’s fault, not really. Alec had done wrong, but Magnus had done wrong, too. There was never a question of whether Alec was worthy. To Magnus, Alec would always be good enough. 

This didn’t stop Alec from thinking that maybe he should push marriage back into that corner he’d attempted to shove it in back then, because why would Magnus ever say yes? Alec was mortal. Alec would die. There’s no reason to marry someone that will die when you’re destined to live forever.

Alec really wished there was, though. The desire to marry Magnus is slightly overwhelming.

“You’re thinking very loudly, darling,” Magnus mumbles, turning so that he’s laying on his back and staring up at Alec. “What’s on your mind?”

Alec smiles softly down at him and rubs his thumb in gentle motions over his temple, “You. Always you.”

“Is that so?” Magnus teases. “All good thoughts, I hope.”

And Magnus is just so beautiful, staring up at Alec with golden eyes and a teasing grin. Alec can’t help it.

“Marry me,” he murmurs, quiet and soft. “Marry me, Magnus.”

Alec expected many reactions. An instant rejection, maybe. Or perhaps for Magnus to tense in his arms. He hadn’t expected for Magnus to relax further into Alec, like some kind of weight had been lifted from him that he’d been carrying around for centuries. He hadn’t expected the tears glistening in his eyes.

It was silent for a moment, both of them staring into each other’s eyes, and then Magnus sat up and placed himself in Alec’s lap. He only spoke once he wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck.

“I have waited my entire life for this one moment, Alexander,” Magnus whispers, barely audible. “Of course I’ll marry you.”

“You - you will?” Alec stammers. “Holy shit, you will?”

Magnus nods quickly, smiling brightly even as tears fall down his face, “Yes, I will.”

In a matter of seconds, Alec is kissing him. They’re both crying and smiling, and the kiss is a mess because of it, but Alec thinks it might be his favorite so far.

“I love you so much. You have no idea how long I’ve been thinking about asking you to marry me,” Alec says once they pull away, foreheads rested together. 

Magnus grins and leans forward until his nose brushes against Alec’s, lightly bumping them together, “How long?”

“Since just before I kissed you at my wedding,” Alec answers. Magnus’ eyes go wide.

“You never cease to amaze me, Alexander,” he breathes, shaking his head.

“I hope I never do.”

“I don’t believe that time will ever come, my darling. Don’t worry.”

Alec smiles and kisses Magnus’ cheek.

“I love you, _fiancé_ ,” he mumbles. Magnus’ cheeks tinge pink.

“I love you, too, _fiancé_ ,” he replies.

The only thing on Alec’s mind for the rest of the day, and every day until the wedding, is this:

_Yeah, I’m going to marry this man. I’m going to marry my fiancé._

_I’m going to see Magnus in gold._

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed it :)


End file.
